Deformed Comment

Thursday, September 09, 2004

New Campaign Allegations

The following was written by a very smart woman I know named Julie Cochrane. She's the author, with John Ringo, of a new science fiction book called Cally's War, coming in October from Baen Books:

Troubling new allegations emerged today from a former neighbor and long time family friend that in 1957 President George W. Bush lied to his own mother about who, in fact, had eaten the last chocolate chip cookie. Despite these disturbing allegations, the Bush administration has declined to release relevant records on the recipe Barbara Bush used to make chocolate chip cookies, or any cookies. Bush surrogates suggest that cookie recipes are an important campaign secret and expressed concern that Hillary Clinton might use any information thus revealed to further her political career.

When asked about the Bush allegations, representatives high in the Kerry campaign said, "Bush lied. He lied to his own mother. George W. Bush was Wrong about the cookies, and he is Wrong for this country! President Kerry will appoint a blue ribbon commission to determine the best cookie recipe for the American people and will institute a program for cookie coverage for our children and seniors."

The Kerry Campaign had no comment when asked about allegations that in 1958 Kerry lied to his mother about who crayoned the stick figure dog on the living room wall.

The 527 group Crayonne Artists for Truth are reportedly preparing a campaign deploring the use of crayons on walls. When reached for comment, major contributor I. D. Artiste had this to say, "Coloring is a noble art with a long and distinguished history. Applying it to interior home surfaces, much less lying about it afterwards, gives a bad name to all the artists who use their crayons on plain paper, construction paper, or coloring books." Artiste also criticized coloring books as stifling young artists' creativity and demanded that both parties institute educational programs to further the art of crayoning in public schools. "It's a national disgrace that all the visual arts have to get squashed into the time for a single class in our schools. Between fingerpainting and modeling clay, important though they are, crayoning frequently gets short shrift. We must enhance the art education of our nation's students." Artiste said.

Reached for comment, an NEA spokesman said that the crayon controversy merely illustrated the need for higher teacher salaries and funding for teachers to take continuing ed. classes in new and classic crayon techniques.

Stay tuned to our channel for 24 hour coverage on these and other breaking stories.

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